A Whole New Frontier of Fear – and Hope

Fear. I thought I knew all about fear. I have had silly phobias to struggle with from time to time over the years (spiders, anyone?), but nothing prepared me for what would happen when I had my son.

There is something about having a vulnerable little life dependent on one that makes one feel fears in a different way. Like many new parents, I had the momentary quivers of “Should I check on him to make sure he’s still breathing?” “What if I’m doing his medications wrong?” and so on.

What I didn’t expect was that feeling of bone-deep fear that I would get sometimes as I pondered how much I wanted to do right by this new little man and how hard it could be to understand him sometimes. His vulnerability makes me feel more responsible and so sometimes the fears feel a little bigger.

Bigger, too, is the sense of peace that I get when I bring my fears to God. I may feel the fears of a mother all the way down to my bones sometimes, but I also feel the comfort of my Father all the way down to my bones as well. We do not walk this road alone, even on the days when it’s a little dark and lonely.

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